I’m Ilia Jones, licensed professional counselor in Suwanee, Georgia. And I want to talk to you about one of the most difficult parts of being a therapist when I’m talking to people about their behaviors and their choices and what they think and what they do. And that is trying to figure out how to NOT ask the question why. Why did you do that? Why did you think that? Why did you feel that way? Asking why questions tends to make the person on the receiving end feel a little defensive because it is hard not to make that sound like it’s an accusatory question. Like, why would you do it that way? What were you thinking? However, what I’m actually trying to get people to realize often times when I’m asking why questions is that they actually have a really good reason why they did that. So, sometimes I will say, “Please explain to me what you were thinking that led to you making that decision” Or “how did you interpret this situation that resulted in you feeling that way?” “Tell me what you thought about this before it happened and what were you wanting to see happen at the end.” This helps my clients kind of put together that they had reasons and they had good motivation and they had a well thought out logic for most of their thoughts and feelings and decisions and behaviors. But sometimes they’re not paying enough attention and they’re not giving themselves the credit for it. Hope this helps.