Hi, I’m Ilia Jones, licensed professional counselor in Suwanee, Georgia, and I want to talk to you about the kinds of self-talk that you can use on yourself.

When I work with clients, I talk to them about two different styles of self-talk.

One of them is like the voice of a football coach, and one of them is like the voice of a kindergarten teacher.

So if you have the voice of a football coach in your head, the kind of self-talk you might be using on yourself is like, “Get it together, that was terrible, what were you thinking, you can’t do anything right, what’s wrong with you?”

It’s very harsh, it’s very demeaning, it’s very blaming, and if you think about it, if that were how someone actually talked to you in your real life, it would not be very motivating and it would not make you feel very good about yourself.

The other style of self-talk that I encourage people to try to develop is more like the voice of a kindergarten teacher.

So if you think about a kindergarten teacher talking to a little kid who maybe spilled their milk or made a mistake on their paper, they might say things like, “It’s okay, everybody makes mistakes, we can clean this up, you can try again, I’m still proud of you, you’re still a good kid.”

It’s very gentle, it’s very encouraging, it’s very supportive, and it helps the child feel safe enough to keep trying and to learn from what happened.

You actually have a choice about which style of self-talk you want to practice using on yourself.

Most of us have learned the football coach voice over time, maybe from parents, teachers, or other people in our lives, and it can feel very automatic.

But you can start to notice when that voice shows up and very intentionally switch to the kindergarten teacher voice instead.

That might sound like, “Okay, that didn’t go the way I wanted, but I can learn from this. I’m still worthy, I’m still a good person, and I can try again.”

When you use that kind of kind, encouraging self-talk, you’re much more likely to feel calm, to stay regulated, and to actually make the changes you want to make.

So, those are the two kinds of self-talk I talk about with my clients, and I encourage you to pay attention this week to which voice you’re using on yourself and to practice using that kindergarten teacher voice a little bit more.

Thanks for listening.